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The Gazebo
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The Gazebo
This is a story of a DM and a paladin (Eric) during a game of AD&D
(true story).
DM: You see a well-groomDM garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.
ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it?
DM: (Pause) It's white, Eric.
ERIC: How far away is it?
DM: About 50 yards.
ERIC: How big is it?
DM: (Pause) It's about 30 feet across, 15 feet high, with a pointDM top.
ERIC: I use my sword to detect whether it's good.
DM: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo!
ERIC: (Pause) I call out to it.
DM: It won't answer. It's a gazebo!
ERIC: (Pause) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?
DM: No, Eric. It's a gazebo!
ERIC: I shoot it with my bow (rolls to hit). What happenDM?
DM: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.
ERIC: (Pause) Wasn't it woundDM?
DM: Of course not, Eric! It's a gazebo!
ERIC: (Whimper) But that was a plus-three arrow!
DM: It's a gazebo, Eric, a gazebo! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it wih an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a @#%$*& gazebo!
ERIC: (Long pause - he has no axe or fire spells) I run away.
DM: (Thoroughly frustratDM) It's too late. You've awakenDM the gazebo, and it catches you and eats you.
ERIC: (Reaching for his dice) Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my paladin...
At this point, the increasingly amusDM fellow party members restorDM a modicum of order by explaining what a gazebo is.
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