D&D Humor

[JadedDM]

Overly Cautious D&D Party Still in Starting Tavern after 10 Sessions

Man, I've been there.

[Lukafio]

After reading that, it felt something like this to me. LOL

[JadedDM]

Here's another:

Millennials Playing D&D Confused by Concept of Long Rest

It's funny because it's devastatingly true.

[Lukafio]

Oh-My-Gawd!
Like I totally get it ... NOT!

LOL

[New Hegdeh]

I liked Order of The Stick, and there are probably others.

[Lukafio]

Stumbled across this on Twitter and thought it worth sharing here.

• WIZARD: I cast Sympathy on the dragon.
  DM: What does that one do again?
  WIZARD: Not sure
  
  • **one minute later**
  DRAGON: (sobbing) They always ask where's the dragon's hoard.
  WIZARD: There, there now.
  DRAGON: But they never ask WHY the dragon hoards.

[New Hegdeh]

haahahahaa

[JadedDM]

This reminds me a bit of something I saw years ago online.

PC: I open the door into the next room.
DM: You see an orc armed with a battleaxe guarding a chest.
PC: I enter into a frank and meaningful dialogue with the orc, validating his right to guard chests, but not pigeon-holing him into a stereotype, in the hopes of restructuring the traditional adventurer/monster antagonistic relationship into something more positive and mutually beneficial.
DM: Make a CHA check.
PC: I succeed.
DM: The orc is moved by your rhetoric. Casting his battleaxe aside, he sits down on the chest and invites you to join him in a brainstorming session about ways to revitalize the decaying subterranean infrastructure and society of the dungeon, perhaps with a--
PC: While he is distracted, I stab him with my sword.

[New Hegdeh]

[Lukafio]

Five things players said/did and then regretted it later.

• 1. Ranger wearing plate mail in a misty echoing crypt: "I try to move silently"
  
  2. Apprentice to mage "By the way master, I finally shot that pesky owl that kept following you around."
  
  3 .Party fighting a band of thieves in a 4X3X4m room, when the mage says, with serious tone: "Hell, I cast a fireball, THAT'll teach'em."
  
  4. Party laying on a hillside spying on the Imperial Army of Darkness commanded by Gul the Necromancer himself (+/- 10,000 troops) "Hmmm, if we attack from the rear, do we get bonuses on our attack roll??"
  
  5. Paladin as the lone survivor of a party of 7 facing an army of evil and undead creatures, which just slaughtered his fellow adventurers: "Huh, why should I run? I got protection from evil in a 15ft radius, THEY can't touch me" (last words).

Can anyone guess where I found this one at?

[TristenC]

Five things players said/did and then regretted it later.

• 1. Ranger wearing plate mail in a misty echoing crypt: "I try to move silently"
  
  2. Apprentice to mage "By the way master, I finally shot that pesky owl that kept following you around."
  
  3 .Party fighting a band of thieves in a 4X3X4m room, when the mage says, with serious tone: "Hell, I cast a fireball, THAT'll teach'em."
  
  4. Party laying on a hillside spying on the Imperial Army of Darkness commanded by Gul the Necromancer himself (+/- 10,000 troops) "Hmmm, if we attack from the rear, do we get bonuses on our attack roll??"
  
  5. Paladin as the lone survivor of a party of 7 facing an army of evil and undead creatures, which just slaughtered his fellow adventurers: "Huh, why should I run? I got protection from evil in a 15ft radius, THEY can't touch me" (last words).

Can anyone guess where I found this one at?

hahaha, nice. My initial reactions/expectations to the above...
1: skill check is halved unless misty crypts are his favored terrain also -75%, lol
2: System Shock for master, followed shortly by many consecutive saves vs death for apprentice
3: DM begins to reiterate size of room, PC replies by unzipping his jacket to reveal the shirt in the image below
4: DM grins evilly and replies "Sure... once."
5: And that was the day he learned how that spell -actually- works

[Lukafio]

Nice Tristen

Time for more.

• Signs You Pissed Off the Villagers
  • 1. The "interesting new stew" you've been served at the inn smells suspiciously like sewage.
    2. One ripe apple at the market place costs more than your last spellbook.
    3. They're building a gallows outside of your room. They try telling you it's "modern art".
    4. At bedtime, your goose-down pillow explodes. The innkeeper said it was made from angry geese.
    5. People keep providing you with gifts of horses, and maps out of town.

[Lukafio]

Another quasi bi-monthly for your delight.

• Things Your Berserker Would Never Say
  Do these boots go with this tunic?
  Sometimes, I just want to be held.
  Couldn't we just talk this over? Violence never solved anything.
  Swords and alcohol don't mix.
  Ewwwww! Blood!

[TristenC]

A party sits down to have lunch in an Inn, but they are fully armed despite the signs saying they should turn their weapons over upon arrival. The Innkeep comes over and ask them why they are armed, and tells them this place is quite safe and they have nothing to worry about. The warrior replies "We stay armed all the time now, because of mimics."
The Innkeeper laughs
The party laughs
The table laughs

The party kills the 'table' and The Innkeeper doesn't bother them anymore

[Lukafio]

The Gazebo

• A true story of a DM and a paladin during a game of AD&D.
  • DM: You see a well-groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.
    Paladin: A gazebo? What color is it?
    DM: (Pause) It's white.
    Paladin: How far away is it?
    DM: About 50 yards.
    Paladin: How big is it?
    DM: (Pause) It's about 30 feet across, 15 feet high, with a pointed top.
    Paladin: I use my sword to detect whether it's good.
    DM: It's not good. It's a gazebo!
    Paladin: (Pause) I call out to it.
    DM: It won't answer. It's a gazebo!
    Paladin: (Pause) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?
    DM: No. It's a gazebo!
    Paladin: I shoot it with my bow (rolls to hit). What happened?
    DM: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.
    Paladin: (Pause) Wasn't it wounded?
    DM: Of course not! It's a gazebo!
    Paladin: (Whimper) But that was a plus-three arrow!
    DM: It's a gazebo, a gazebo! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a @#%$*& gazebo!
    Paladin: (Long pause - he has no axe or fire spells) I run away.
    DM: (Thoroughly frustrated) It's too late. You've awakened the gazebo, and it catches you and eats you.
    Player of dead Paladin: (Reaching for his dice) Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my paladin...
  At this point, the increasingly amused fellow party members restored a modicum of order by explaining what a gazebo is.