![Rolling Eyes :roll:](./images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif)
![Twisted Evil :twisted:](./images/smilies/icon_twisted.gif)
It's days like this when I want to get a megaphone, climb a tall building and shout out:
"People! For the love of god, stop emasculating wishes!"
Who is the original person in the gaming industry responsible for starting this insane emasculation of wishes? The post that caught my eye listed "things a wish can do". And of course it talks about being able to duplicate a wizard spell of 8th level or lower, or a 6th level cleric spell or whatever. People...if the 9th level wish spell merely duplicates the effects of a lower level spell then it is not a freaking wish!
![Rolling Eyes :roll:](./images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif)
How in the name of Bahamut can someone say - with a straight face - that the single most powerful spell in the books, a spell of legendary power, is limited to replicating spells of lower level and less power? Did we merge with the Cthulhu universe and logic has become twisted? What is it with DMs who fear a wish spell? If a wish spell is so devastating to someone's campaign that they have to emasculate the spell, stop being a DM! You're not good enough! Take off that damned wizard hat and go back to Monopoly!
A wish spell is supposed to be the ultimate attainment in magic - the ability to literally alter reality according to your desires. What the hell is the point of using a wish spell as a substitute for stone to flesh, or remove curse, or raise dead? What a waste! By its very nature, a wish is supposed to be above all that. Its very existence is an excuse for asking (and getting) what you want. There are so many DMs who fear wishes so badly that they limit the spell to the point of absurdity.
Like the stupidity about allowing a wish spell to duplicate any wizard spell of 8th level or lower. What idiot originally and actually vomited this out of his decayed brain pan? How about Logic 101? If a 9th level meteor swarm spell will not break your game, then guess what Einstein? Neither will a wish spell that is used to duplicate a - gasp! - 9th level spell!
![Rolling Eyes :roll:](./images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif)
What twisted logic must one indulge in to justify the idea that the most powerful spell in the game cannot duplicate a spell of equal level?
![Rolling Eyes :roll:](./images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif)
And I also see DMs twisting wishes to screw players. Big time. Look, if you're the type of DM who gets his jollies by allowing his players to find/attain wishes only to then twist those wishes to screw them over, then you're not a DM. You're an ass-hat with a sadistic streak. Yeah, I get it - sometimes a greedy wish can (and sometimes should) lead to problems. It's a legitimate way to control excessive ambition.
But we had a DM back in the day on the old neighborhood who reveled in this type of stupidity to the point where - I am not making this up - the players would interrupt the game for days at a time while typing out several-pages-long freaking dissertations on the exact wording of their wishes. One of these idiots actually asked me to proof read a five page write up for a wish he gained. What did he actually want? To be immune to damage from normal fires.
![Rolling Eyes :roll:](./images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif)
Just remembering this makes me want to smash my head into the desk. I ripped the damned thing up and told him if it were me, I'd tell my DM: "I want to be immune to damage from normal fires. If that's not clear enough for you, bend over and I'll stick this stupid five page paper you made me write someplace very uncomfortable." And I meant that literally. I would never play in a DM's game who turned a simple freaking wish into a legal exercise. I told that DM when I saw him shortly after that: "You're an idiot. And a shitty DM. This is a game. The players are wishing for something, not signing a real life business deal!".
He actually asked me: "So how would you handle it if one of your players wished to be immune to normal fire? How would you keep that from unbalancing your game?" I had half a mind to punch him in the face on principle for being stupid, but his cousin was one of my players (it's telling that he wouldn't play in his own cousin's game!). I told him that if he couldn't handle a single character being immune to normal fire, that if that caused problems for him, then he was a shit-poor DM. It was so sad, I almost felt sorry for him. After he moaned about how terrible it would be to grant this silly wish, he whined: "If you granted that sort of wish, how would you twist it?"
My reply was: "Why twist it? What the hell is so terrible about a single PC being immune to normal fire? Off the top of my head, without even spending a microsecond thinking it over, you could always rule (much to the unfortunate surprise of the poor PC), when the PC gets infected with rot grubs, that normal fire will not kill them since they are embedded in flesh that is immune to normal fire. Using common sense, if a PC applies a flaming torch to his bare flesh to kill rot grubs, he will suffer burns (whatever a DM rules a flaming torch held against an arm, for example, would incur). So the magical protection of the wish spell now means that fire cannot be used to kill rot grubs. The heat simply cannot penetrate deeply enough to kill the embedded rot grubs. Then I immediately thought of another cool way to twist it - if that's what one wanted to do. Boy, will the PC be surprised when the party is adventuring in the cold wilderness and he wants to warm himself in front of a nice hot fire. Not gonna happen. He can't feel the heat. He's immune to fire, so the heat from a bonfire simply won't warm him. Think about it. If holding a flaming torch to one's arm cannot heat the flesh enough to do damage, then how is the radiant, indirect heat of a campfire going to warm his flesh? Sucks when hypothermia kicks in during an adventure because you can't use a fire to warm yourself. These are small, fun twists that can cause a PC to think carefully, but which don't twist the wish into some sort of psychotic punishment by a sadistic DM."
And even if the PC wished to be immune to all fire (magical or non-magical) - so what? Is that really going to destroy the game of a DM who's worthy of the title? Ok, so the red dragon breathes his massive blast of fire on the immune PC and - it does nothing! So what? His gear isn't immune. In fact, a good DM could argue that his equipment either forgoes any attempt at an item save vs. magical fire, or does so at a huge penalty. Think about it. He knows he's immune and likely will not state he is taking cover. He charges in (or just stands there), exposing himself fully because - after all - he's immune!
![Rolling Eyes :roll:](./images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif)
The immune PC tries walking into molten lava. Sure. Go for it. It doesn't even feel hot. Kinda sucks though, how it sucked you under and crushed/suffocated you. Being immune to the heat of the lava does not save you from being crushed under tons of molten rock, or having your air cut off while being submerged in it.
I mean, come on people! This is pre-school level scheming.
![Rolling Eyes :roll:](./images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif)
And then there are the limiters - people who try to limit the wish spell so that it is in reality only a limited wish spell...
"A single wish can aid one creature per caster level, and all subjects are cured of the same kind of affliction. For example, you could heal all the damage you and your companions have taken, or remove all poison effects from everyone in the party, but not do both with the same wish."
Then it's a limited wish, not a wish.
![Rolling Eyes :roll:](./images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif)
"A wish can revive a dead creature whose body has been destroyed, but the task takes two wishes, one to recreate the body and another to infuse the body with life again."
Then it's not a wish. This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. What kind of idiot came up with it? Is it really going to hurt your silly girly campaign if a single wish can restore a character who was, say, disintegrated?
![Rolling Eyes :roll:](./images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif)
"The DM may reduce the chances of successful resurrection if little if the creature's remains are available."
- PHB, pg. 235
Optional. In other words, if the DM feels it should be reduced because all that's left is say the dust left behind from a disintegrate spell.
DMs who, when their players wish for a million gold pieces, have the many tons of coins rain down on top of the PC, crushing him, or who raid the king's hoard for the treasure and then sends out the guard to arrest the PCs - that is so pathetically cliched, not to mention childishly stupid, that no DM should do it. If my players wish for a million gp, I can find almost as many ways of getting them to spend that or to make it a problem for them as there are are gold pieces in that windfall! No need to twist it in a silly way.
Look, I get it. Wishes can get out of hand when cast by pathetic players. A player who wishes to be "permanently immune to damage of any sort" is asking for something ridiculously unbalancing and absurd. So turn him into a reinforced adamantine statue. Or make it where any damage he would have taken is instead shunted off to those around him of similar alignment. A character who wishes for all his ability scores to be raised to 25 may ascend into godhood (the God of Greed) and be taken out of play. Roll up that new character. For crazy stuff like that where the player is intending to go against the rules or worse yet spirit of the game, screw him for it! He's trying to ruin the fun for his own aggrandizement. But for god's sake, stop emasculating the wish spell out of fear and worry. Stop twisting wishes due to some sadistic passive-aggressive ambivalence over wish spells. Fretting over wish spells is almost as pathetic as fretting over West Nile virus. Overblown, unfounded hysterics. Nothing more.
Good lord. Pass the Excedrin.
![Rolling Eyes :roll:](./images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif)